Wow! Has it really been 20 years??? It seems like only yesterday, huh? What have I been up to??? LOTS! That’s what!!!
During our senior year, I dislocated my shoulder after a flying tackle from Brian Baker during the First Annual Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King Memorial Senior Invitational Holiday Bowl Game. That ended any hopes I had of going to Duke on that lacrosse scholarship I had won so I stayed around home and went to Orange County Community College (OCCC) for five years. I decided studying environmental impacts on B-flute 32ECT corrugated box living structures was really my calling. Turns out I didn’t have much of a future there.
In ’89, I was just trying to make some extra money for college. Since I was backpacking in Connecticut, I tried to get small jobs wherever I could find them. When I was camping by this lake, I saw a huge concert getting set up nearby. I kept bugging this guy for any jobs he could send my way and, finally frustrated at my persistence, told me I could clean up backstage during the concert that night as the artists left a real mess on their way out to the stage. Boy! Was he ever right! These two guys on stage (I think they called themselves Billy Vanilla or something dumb like that) left beer cans, towels, and cans of Jerri Curl all over the place! I was sweeping up the huge pile when it all fell onto the sound board and made the record skip over and over. I’ll never forget that: “Girl, you know, girl, you know, girl, you know…” I quickly ran out grabbing my backpack as I knew I’d probably not get paid anyway.
After graduating from OCCC, I moved out to L.A. to seek my fortune. I figured all the cool people would be out there and I could really make a name for myself. Unfortunately, things didn’t get off to a great start.
One week in ’92, I had suffered one of the worst colds I could remember. All week, I had been suffering and I was taking a LOT of cold medicine to try and kick it. I didn’t think I was OK to drive so I asked my friend to pick me up on his way to do his weekly charity work at the soup kitchen. He had some extra time so he said he’d be able to drop me at the Walgreen’s and back at home so I could recover. Well, I guess that cold medicine and the L.A. smog really did something to my head because I started leaning out the window and screaming Liza Minnelli tunes at the top of my voice. Evidently, I was making quite a commotion because I caught the attention of the local cops. As they pulled in behind us, I remembered that I had two outstanding traffic tickets. I begged my friend, Rodney, not to stop but he insisted that it was the right thing to do. When he pulled over, I quickly ran out of the car in my NyQuil-induced haze and out into the night. I later heard that the cops really didn’t care for Liza’s work and let Rodney know about it.
In ’95 I was able to fly back out to Highland Falls for Rob’s wedding. It was great to see all the fellas again but I couldn’t stay long as my goiter kept acting up. In fact, I was only able to sign the register, pop my head in to see what was going on, and then had to run. I was upset that I couldn’t stay long.
My health continued to bother me in L.A. so I tried moving up to Cupertino to see if that would help. It didn’t. I had to get one of my molars fixed as one of the fillings fell out. Boy! Did that smart! Waiting in the lobby, I was showing this guy next to me my really cool new mp3 player. I just got it and loved the concept but it had so many buttons and it was a bit confusing. I told Steve that it would be really cool if the whole thing could be controlled by a wheel like the huge Lifesaver mints they had in the dish right there in the dentist office. When it was time for my appointment, the dentist had to shoot me full of Novocain a couple times over so I was REALLY numb. Since I couldn’t feel the whole right side of my face, I was getting a little frustrated when trying to talk. I tried to say goodbye to my new-found friend, Steve, when the receptionist kept bugging me telling me that my dental insurance premium hadn’t been paid. That wasn’t true as the check went out the week prior and I kept trying to tell her that I paid it already. Unfortunately, instead of coming out “I paid!”, she couldn’t understand me yelling “I pahd! I pahd!” over and over. It must have bothered Steve because he ran out right away and I never saw him again.
Things weren’t getting better in California, so I had to find a BIG change in climate. I also was looking for something to do to REALLY make my mark. There was this great pilot show just starting out where these people would get dropped off on a desert island and have to pass “challenges” to see who could survive the environment and each other longer. I was able to make it through the try-outs for the first sequel and I thought it had a lot of promise. For the “catch”, the creators wanted to try something a little different. Unfortunately, and after several pounds of really gamey moose meat, “Survivor: Yukon!” just didn’t pan out. It never made to it air. Hot chicks (in very little clothing) with frost nip is not as sexy as you might think. Believe me, it isn’t!
When I got back from the “Great White North”, I knew it was time to settle down. I had been “surfing the ‘Net” for a meaningful relationship and found just what I needed. In my favorite “I’ve always been overlooked” chat room, I met the woman of my dreams, Margie. Margie and I hit it off right away; she was a competitive wool spinner/dyer and knitter and could craft a really mean pun without even trying! You’ve never seen fibers fly until you’ve seen Margie spinning! After a whirlwind courtship thanks to our friends at AOL, we finally met in May of 2004 and got married the next day. The next spring, we decided to adopt kids to “jumpstart” our family to help make up for the lost time.
Attached is a picture we took last fall at the county fair during “Hoedown Hijinks Days”. That’s me, Summer, Hyacinth, and Margie really cutting it up in our homemade costumes. We won 2nd place that year because the Godfreys showed up in a show-stopping Abu-Ghraib send-up that I thought was in poor taste. Oh well, the judging has gotten all political now anyway.
I’ve gained a little weight, lost some of my hairline, and grew a mustache since we last saw each other but I’m looking forward to hearing more about the rest of you soon.
Moo!
Tom
